is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
