I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
