He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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