Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
