My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
