In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
