i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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