Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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