just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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