I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
