did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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