Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
