im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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