Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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