Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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