Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
