so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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