My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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