I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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