I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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