great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
