I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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