I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
