What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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