I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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