I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
