hotel room ftw
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
