Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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