he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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