Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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