Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
