kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
