let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
