Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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