i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize