1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
