i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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