Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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