Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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