stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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