if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
