Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
