hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
