Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
