I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
