also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
