Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
