So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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