I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
love makes seman taste better
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
