a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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