So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
