The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize