yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dear god my vagina.
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