Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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