brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
