I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
