I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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