see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize