I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize
