Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
