there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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