The maid of honor just puked.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
