I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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