I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
