Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
