her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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