no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
