He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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