the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
