just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
