Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
