When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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