its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize