we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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