she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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