What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
