Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
