Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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